Hi.  My name is Heather Dixon, and I’m an addict.

I like to watch “Say Yes to the Dress.”

It’s a terrible addiction.  There are so many other good, wonderful things I could be addicted to.

Like mathematics.  Or oatmeal.  Or cocaine.

I don’t know why I keep watching it.  It’s a terrible show.

All the dresses look the same.

A lot of the brides are absolute monsters.

So why do I keep watching it?  Why???*

*probably because it’s free on Youtube.

Here’s what’s really dumb about the whole thing:  I already have a wedding dress.

No, I really do.

I was going to be married earlier this year.

I’d wanted a wedding dress like Grace Kelly’s:

Isn’t she so pretty??

Unfortunately, wedding dresses that looked like they stepped out of a 50’s musical haven’t been in style since…well…the 50’s.

So when I went shopping, there were a whoooole lot of sleeveless dresses….

But not a lot of Grace Kelly dresses :(

I found one that almost came close.

It cost $5500.

{I didn’t buy it.}

I’d pretty much given up on my 50’s wedding dress fantasies, when on the fly I decided to visit a tiny little dress shop tucked away behind a storage facility.

It was so tiny they didn’t have enough dressing rooms {and to be fair…I did show up without an appointment.}  But they fit me in anyway…and they fit me in a broom closet!

That’s where I found It.

Not the mop bucket…The Grace Kelly dress!  
It was sooooooooo pretty.  
{And way cheaper than $5500.  Which made it even prettier!}

 The lady who runs the shop told me her secret–she orders plus-size dresses in smaller sizes {she says a lot of dress shops don’t know you can do that} and so that’s how she finds dresses with sleeves.

Here’s a picture of It:

I know right!  It’s even prettier when it’s not a badly-drawn grayscale cartoon!

That was then.

This is now.

A month before the wedding, my fiance broke up with me.

But enough about him.  {Though I really enjoyed drawing that last frame.}

All this to say, I still have a wedding dress.  And even worse, it still had to finish being altered.  Which meant I had to re-live everything every time I put it back on…

Thankfully, the lady who fitted me gave me the best advice I’d ever gotten:

And so, with the money I’d saved from returning his wedding band and other wedding expenses, I bought a 22″ inch cintiq…which I am using right now.

Some people would say that’s definitely a trade up.  {Oh, but not me!}

The dress currently hangs in my closet.  It’s too perty to sell :)

I bring this all up because the other day, I was {yet again} watching the show.

A bride came in with her grandma and her entourage.

The grandma had very definite ideas of what she wanted.

The bride had very definite ideas of what she didn’t want.

To make her grandma happy though, {because grandma was paying for the dress}, she decided to try on a dress with sleeves.

She hated it.

I had to stop drawing at this point, because I was like:

And it did.  It was absolutely gorgeous.

But the bride didn’t just hate it.  She really hated it.

What made this all totally worse is that this was “Yes to the Dress: Atlanta”, which meant that all these terrible things were spoken in a Southern accent!  Something as adorable as a Southern accent should never be used to say such horrible things.  There oughtta be a law!*

*I really mean that, too.  My plans for Can-merica are moving along and when I’m dictator, the second law* I’ll put into motion is that people with Southern accents can only say food-y things.  Like, “Honey,” “Sweetie-Pie,” “Possum with a sweet potatah,” etc.  I have Plans.

**The first law is that every Mountie has to learn how to tango.

The bride comes out to the dressing room floor…

And her entourage is like:

Oh yes, that dress with sleeves surrrre is funny.

Grandma just sits there.

It IS pretty!!

It was. :(
The bride goes back to the dressing room and tries on a dress that looks like every other dress in the store. :( :(

They love it.

Long pause.


I haven’t stopped drawing since the episode ended.

This blog isn’t very famous.

There are about 4 people who visit it a day.

One is my mom.  {Thanks, mom!}

But there are 3 others.  One of them could be that Southern grandma.

This blog post is for her.

Southern Grandma, you were RIGHT.  That dress with sleeves was beautiful.  Don’t you listen to them.  You gotta go with your GUT and your gut was RIGHT.

The End.