I was feeling kind of melancholy this past week and spent a lot of time watching Disney’s 1961 “Babes in Toyland” to kind of cheer me up.

Here’s one my favorite songs, “I Can’t Do The Sum”:

I love this song.  I sing it whenever I pay bills.  My gosh I wish I had her dress.

Anyways, listening to it for the umpteenth time got me thinking.  You know, Mary really is terrible with money.  I mean, really bad.  I feel I can say this with confidence because I’m a monster tightwad.*
*I haven’t bought a pair of socks in 3 years! #brag

Oh, you don’t believe me?  Here’s some solid proof Mary really can’t do the sum:  (You don’t actually have to’ve seen the movie to understand this blog post.  It’s still pertinent.)

Proof #1:  Barnaby knows more about Mary’s finances than Mary does.

He knows about an inheritance Mary has coming to her, that Mary has no idea about.  I mean, this guy.  He’s sharp.  What’s Mary been doing with her finances this whole time?

I’ll tell you what she’s been doing.  She’s been ignoring them.

#2 proof:  “The stove and rugs and furniture will soon be repossessed.”

                               ….What??  You financed your rugs??  Good gravy, woman!

#3 proof:  Her ideas for solving her financial troubles are totally stupid.

Walking on your hands to save shoe repair money…yeah that’ll work.

So I was thinking about it a lot, and I was thinking, you know what Mary should do?  Here’s what Mary should do:

– Sell the house.  She can’t make the mortgage so it’s gotta go.  Living in a tent actually wasn’t a bad idea.

– Secondly, who are those moochy kids that she’s supporting?  Make them work in a glue factory.  All that singing and dancing, it’s got to stop.

3) Take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University course

Here’s what Mary should do (if she were me):

1)  Marry Barnaby.  (Because, why not?)

Mary: do his laundry, I hear it’ll take care of that

2)  Barnaby will teach Mary how to properly manage her money

3)  Mary will teach Barnaby to not be such a miser, and fix up that abysmal house of his.

 See?  I mean, this just seems like common sense to me.  They’re a good match.  And don’t give me this marrying for love stuff.  Marrying for love is possibly the stupidest thing you can do.  No way, dude.  Marry for MONEY.  They would have such a happy marriage.

But, no.  Here’s what will actually happen:

Mary marries Tom.

They fritter her inheritance money away on poofy dresses and bongo drums.

And then they can’t pay the rent.

So Barnaby kicks them out into the streets.

Then the Mother Goose villagers get really mad and hunt Barnaby down via pitchfork mob.

Why??  Because they don’t think.  Because they don’t think, hey, Mary was crappy with her money, let’s hope this homeless stuff is a good wake-up call.  No, they blame it all on Barnaby, who’s only crime was that he was good with his money.  AAARGH!!  I hate it when villains who aren’t actually villains are villainized!!  Barnaby was actually the good guy in this movie!!

No one thinks about this stuff.  But I do.  I think about this stuff all the time.  Call it a gift.

And yes, I still think they should’ve gotten married.

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