It’s that time of year! That time of year when I get dozens of cards from all my friends. Or at least I would, if I had any friends. I didn’t send any cards out. Why? Weeelllll, besides having no friends, sending a newsletter out about yourself is totally stupid. If you’re a parent, it’s alright to talk about your kids. If you don’t have kids, you have nothing to say. And don’t even think about talking about your cats. That borders the Land of Ookie.

For all you lucky visitors to this site, however, I’ve made a card for all of you to enjoy!

Inside of card:
(Some generic statement about friends, warmth, seasons, mittens, and cold noses.)

Lovingly handwritten note beneath it:
Hello, friends!!! This past year has been a busy one!!! I can’t believe how fast it passes!! Lots of exciting things have happened!!! I’m finally on probation, and my parole officer says he might let me get near forks again!! Hooray!!!!

I think I’ve used up my lifetime quota of exclamation points. Merry Christmas!!!!