I’d like to take a moment to expound on how much I hate spiders. I HATE HATE HATE HATE SPIDERS! Why did God invent spiders? I have no idea. Probably so we could have something to squash. Spiders who get into my apartment meet an untimely death with the vacuum cleaner. One spider had the misfortune to have me find it skittering inside my brownie pan. I washed it down the garbage disposal and pureed it.
I’m making it sound like there’s an infestation of spiders in my apartment. There’s not, really. I keep my patch of heaven very tidy. In fact I’ve wondered if it’s the same spider crawling out of the vacuum / putting itself back together. Things have been better ever since I stuck the offenders on toothpicks and posted them in the sidewalk crack outside my door. Infiltration has hit an all-time low.
That’s right, spiders. Look at what happened to your little friends. Mwah ha haaaa!